Hey y'all.
Welcome back to ANTM. Come on, I know you're watching it. It's brilliant. All the screaming and makeovers and photo shoots and the Jay's. It's gold. Congrats, Tyra, you've done well.
So the cycle opens with the model hopefuls vying for attention at Top Model University where class is about to begin. The two instructors, Jay and Miss J., come out and announce that the first shoot will be a Britney Spears model shoot. Well, they'll be wearing school girl outfits, anyways. Class is in session! I wonder how often the girls have to reshoot all the screaming scenes, or whether they scream natually or on cue. All the screaming. It's ridiculous. I love it.
After the girls are split into two camps, Gryffindor and Slytherin, they join Miss J in the hallway to get a runway lesson. It's the usual painful thing. Lauren's awkward, so she'll obviously get picked. Some other girls who look like recycled models from previous cycles know how to strut, so they'll get in. This kills a bit of time on the show...until all the hopefuls are hustled out onto a football field. No fans in the stands. Um...yeah. Interesting. The two J's are standing in front of a stage and a big paper sign. In front of the sign are some cheerleaders - no ordinary cheerleaders, but past contestants. Really, it should have been football players standing around in front of the sign. Real ones. Maybe Matt Leinart and Tom Brady. Google those two, ladies, Google.It.Up.
But no, it was past contestants - one of the twins (can't recall the name) and she was not into it. Wasn't even pretending to lip synch along to the ANTM cheer. If you PVR'd the episode, worth the rewind.
So there's some talking going on, but I'm distracted by the big paper sign. Someone is going to jump out of it, I just feel it. A team mascot, maybe. And I'm thinking: Please be Tyra dressed as a cougar. Please be Tyra dressed as a cougar. Please be Tyra dressed as a... homecoming queen? What the ? It really is Halloween everyday is some people's worlds, I guess.
Next up: the Judging Table. Always entertaining. For the girls of course, but even more so for the two Jay's. I love them. They truly make the show, I believe. If you're an avid fan of the show, like me, make sure to always watch Miss J at the end of the show, when Tyra is standing before the girls, handing out pictures, and talking about who is still in the running to be America's Next Top Model. His facial expressions are priceless. I'm not kidding. Love the J's. But enough of the sidebar, back to meeting all the girls in front of the judges. My random thoughts:
Anya. Anya has a beach/surfer accent. Huh? Did Jaelene also have a beach/surfer accent? I'm confused. She'll probably get picked.
Whitney - I like Whitney, but wasn't there another plus-sized model named Whitney?
Dominique. Dominique=boobs. She'll get picked.
Kristen - I also liked Kristen. She looked different than the other girls (not weird, but different). She's got a boyfriend in Iraq. She was my early favourite...so of course, she didn't make it.
Then there was a cat fight behind the scenes and a lot of squawking about ghettos and such. Oh Marvita, will you ever learn? Then Jay Manuel got a lap dance from someone I forgot already (Stacy-Ann maybe). She's been married for five years and will be 19 this year. Give or take.
Kim - Kim is not a dumb blonde but she's got scrunched up features. She can fill the blonde quota, I guess.
Fatima - Fatima is gorgeous, similar to the host of Project Runway Canada. She's in. Her traumatic past is not something that should be discussed on this blog - seriously - and I wish she hadn't told the other girls about it either. Not then, anyways. Terrible.
More cat fighting in the background. Damnit, Marvita, you're killing me!
Jenna. Jenna is like Fergie Ferg and Pink rolled up into one and walking the streets of Grand Forks, North Dakota. She wants to win ANTM so she can pimp out her ride. Her Chevrolet Impala, that is.
Claire. Interesting - she is breastfeeding but is away from her baby, so she's not just pumping her milk, but also drinking it. You know that feeling in your stomach when an empty milk carton has been sitting out on the counter, maybe in the sun, and you open up the top and smell it. That's the feeling I got when she said that.
In the end, 14 girls got picked. It was supposed to be 13, but they opened it up for Dominique. Please see my earlier comment about Dominique. The girls are headed off to New York, which is one of my favourite cities. My early favourite is Katarzyna (since Kristen didn't get picked).
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