ANTM Cycle 10: Episode Four - Hot diggity dog, someone cook me a steak!

First of all - the show Girlicious.  Is this a complete rip-off from ANTM?  They have runway challenges, eliminations, cat fights, and a little less screaming.  It's on right now as I blog about Tyra, but I'm about to turn the channel.  I can't betray ANTM.  I'm fiercely loyal to Ty Ty.  Fierce, baby.

So, ANTM.  The episode begins with a trip to the fire hall.  I'm so glad that it's finally long enough since 9/11 that there aren't any references.  That would have been very painful.  Almost as painful as watching the firefighters pretending to be interested during the runway lesson at the fire hall.  But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself...

The girls enter the fire hall and meet up with Miss J, dressed as a firefighter.  The girls have 90 seconds to change into firefighter gear.  By that, I mean hotpants, white t-shirt, red suspenders, and some black ankle boots.  You know, the usual thing firefighters like to put on to save lives.  Only during the summer, though.  Fatima's a bit of a rebel because she apparently thinks all firefighters should wear gold lame pumps.  Finally the girls are lined up and a group of real firefighters come up and have to pretend to be fired up by these awkward 18-25 year old girls strutting around them.  Amis skips, Fatima walks like a Clydesdale (Marvita is envious - damnit, she's the one with the horse hair!), and Dominique is one second away from stripping.  Thankfully the pole at the fire hall is not part of this scene. It's a bit boring, but no worries, the photo shoot in the second half more than makes up for it.  Chopped liver or prime rib, anyone?

Back at the loft or penthouse or whatever, there is only some mild cat fighting, with Marvita and Fatima as instigators, no surprise there.  And I've said it before and no doubt will say it again: Dominique? Seriously.  Next up is a cryptic tyra mail about being out of order.  The girls are quickly shuttled off to do a runway in front of some people pulled off of Seventh Ave, an editor from Seventeen magazine, and our old friend, Ms. Cha Cha Diva Jaslene, looking like, to quote Amis, a latino sandwich.  Um.  Yeah.  I personally loved how Dominique's greatest goal in life is to be in Seventeen magazine.  She's 23 years old.  Dream big, sister, dream big!

At the runway, the challenge is...wait for it...to get dressed.  All by yourself.  Well, not completely by yourself.  All the clothes you have to put on are hung up for you, with a list of items and a picture.  I dress myself every damn day in probably less than 3 minutes and no one is taking pictures of what outfit I should put together.  Seriously.  I'm timing myself tomorrow morning.  I couldn't believe that some of the girls could not get themselves dressed, but I was wrong.  Some of them actually screwed up.

The runway starts:

Stacy Ann - pretty good.
Whitney - showed some boob, but still worked it.
Lauren - sprints it out
Aimee - looked good
Katrazyna - still my favourite
Fatima - not only missed a few buttons but thought no one would notice it.  Sure, Fatima, one side of your sweater is up around your chin and there are some empty button holes hanging below your waist.  If you close your eyes, Fatima, maybe no one will see you, either
Dominique - seriously.  Transvestite Judy Jetson (Meeow!)
Marvita - trots it out
Claire - looked good
Anya - looked good
Amis - could have been a Stepford wife.  Although I did enjoy watching Miss J crack up in the background (Trust me, if Miss J is in the background of a shot, always check him out, he won't disappoint).

I honestly could have watched the runway all night.  Classic.

After the runway, the girls are criticized.  I was a bit surprised at how harsh Jaslene was to Lauren.  But then, Jaslene IS trying to be like Ty Ty after all.  Katrazyna won the challenge and decided to pick the horse and the stepford wife.  Smart move, Kat, smart move.  The only thing that would have been smarter is if she could have worked Dominique into it.  I'm so mean to Dominique, I should really settle down.  But I can't. Dominique?  Seriously.

Kat and the girls won a photo shoot with Jaslene at lot 29.  It was a classic photo shoot, I especially loved how Cha Cha Diva kept putting her arms in front of everyone while she was posing.  Fantastic.

Next up was the photo shoot with everyone.  The girls went off to the meatpacking district, where they, quite literally went to a meat locker.  I always imagined the meatpacking district as a cool place to live, with abandoned meat lockers converted into lofts, and cool bars and shops and stuff. But there is actually meat there.  Out from a meat locker comes the Silver Fox, perhaps more aptly named the White Fox for this episode, and announces that the girls will have to put raw meat on themselves and try to look provocative.  If only I were being sarcastic, but someone has actually stitched together a beef vest. Let's call that person, oh, I don't know, Hannibal Lecter. It's a bit weird.  But the girls try hard, even though some are wearing steak scarves, and a beef tank with matching loin boy shorts.  Some sick person out there might think about meat curtains, but not me.  No sir.

All I know is that when I was in NY, I had a very beautiful steak one night and now all I think about is all the meat being worn by these girls.  So many gross jokes that can be inserted here.  Also, I really think that Amis should have taken a bite out of the raw meat - that would have kept her on the show.  There I go, spoiling the end.  Poor Amis, but she was quite positive about being voted out, so I can't fault her for that.  But she did stand before Tyra, and Fatima continued on in her journey in becoming America's. Next. Top. Model.  Goodbye, Amis.