ANTM Cycle 10: Episode Three - Unbe-weave-able

So tonight I didn't PVR the show, I just watched it 'live', with all the commercials.  Wow, that show is looong.  Plus now I'm craving Oreo Cakesters and I just might watch Smallville, since I'm into that new One Republic tune.  And when the hell did Mary J Blige start selling herself out by singing in Chevy Malibu commercials?

Tonight's episode starts with a little chit chat with Dominique.  I'm sure Dominique is a nice person, but seriously. Seriously.  Paulina called it with the soccer mom bit.  Seriously.

All the girls are sitting around, starting cat fights.  The doorbell rings.  There is screaming.  The door opens and there a bunch of white purses lying on the ground.  More screaming.  The purses are opened and out come a crapload of apple bottom jeans.  And I find myself screaming.  I have a bit of thing for apple bottom jeans, you see.  They basically kill me. Although I don't own a pair (yet), I definitely think they are the 'black leather pants' of the new millenium.  Look for them on cougars everywhere in a few years.  More catfighting and then...wait for it...Tyra Mail.

Holy crap Tyra mail is painful.  I swear that whoever is controlling the pace of that thing just slows it down each time so the girls sound even more stupid as they read it (nay, scream it) out loud.  "You've.......worked.....the......hair.....and......the.....makeup....now...work...the...............lingerie".  More screaming, but not as much as before.  There's always some confusion about the message from the Tyra mail that detracts from the screaming.

The first challenge is at Wal-Mart.  A bit boring, but Claire wins a picture on the wal-mart cover girl page.  I swear to you that I went to walmart.com to look for said picture but couldn't find it.  Anyone who finds it, please let me know.

Up next, the makeovers.  Hooray.  Marvita got a mullet.  No, not a mullet.  Models call it something infinitely better.  A Horse Mane.  Yes, that's way more fierce Marvita.  It's actually an improvement for her.  Claire gets her head shaved and Fatima (who I thought would also get a buzz cut) gets a super-long weave.  Also an improvement.  Allison is really starting to annoy me at this point - enough with the eyebrow raising, eye-rolling, cynical snobbery, Alli.  That crap does not fly with Tyra.

Finally the photo shoot with Elle MacPherson lingerie.  I've decided from now on I'm going to call Jay Manuel the Silver Fox, for many reasons.  One, he's a fox (if you're a gay man), he's wearing a shiny silver coat that is very tight, and he  has silver hair.  I thought I might be able to fit in a joke here about drapes matching the curtains, hardy har har, but couldn't quite work it in.  So back to the Silver Fox.  He and Elle are directing the girls.  I've got to admit that as this point, I would be the biggest dolt in modeling, probably ever.  To me, all the girls are posing.  But some girls get raked over the coals because they are posing too much, others not enough.  Some could be catalog models, others commercial, others high fashion, runway, male magazines, whatever. The subtlety is too much for me.  I long for the moments when everyone is screaming.  Simpler times.

More commercials. (next time, I'll PVR it).

After the commercial break, before the judging starts, they always show a model pic of Tyra in a similar photo shoot to what the girls just did.  But I, for a split second, thought the come-back-from-commercial pic might be of Miss J, with his blonde weave, some lingerie, working it with the Brooklyn Bridge in the background.  Fierce.  But I don't write the show so this doesn't happen.  Sigh.

So as the girls are reviewing their pictures with the judges, I can't help but have a revelation of sorts.  Photography is genius.  I mean really.  Some of these girls (Anya, Dominique) come before the judges, looking like they just came off a three-day bender from Vegas with no sleep, huge bags under their eyes, hair unwashed, and one tequila shot away from passing out.  Flash to the best picture from the photo shoot and the girls look fantastic.  Lighting, makeup, directing, and photography are really underrated.  So there, a revelation during ANTM.  Who would have thought it?

Again, I enjoy watching Miss J during the handing out of the pictures - he looks so bored.  One of these times, he's going to be filing his nails, or reading the NY Times.  So, the pics are handed out and Allison is heading home.  She so much of a drama queen - it was quite ridiculous.

Love this show, Tyra, love it.