Survivor is an interesting beast for me. For the first 20 minutes or so of every episode I find myself questioning why I watch it. Same format, same drama, fairly predictable, and yet I watch it. But by the end of the episode I’m into it. Someday all of this watching of ridiculous reality television had better pay off for me.
The show begins with the aftermath of voting out Ami. We are seeing more of Ozzy’s arrogant side: “If she’d stuck with me, she’d still be here”. Arrogant, but true. We also see a lot of people in the spooky night-light. Erik actually looks better in the night-light, and I’m beginning to wonder how he’ll clean up for the reunion show. His mother had better force him to get a haircut. And maybe put on a little bit of weight. At the other camp, in the night-light, Eliza’s eyes continue to grow bigger and bigger; someday they will merge into one big ball. Creepy. Her and Jason bond over the fact that they both annoy people.
Day 22 – Tree Mail!
The tree mail tells each tribe that they are to move to a new location for a feast and to meet up with the other tribe. What? No Jeff to tell them ‘drop their buffs’? Disappointing. Parv tells Alexis and Natalie that they, along with Amanda, will be part of a new alliance at the merge. Parv is scheming overtime…so much so that she’s in a hot pickle. Maybe even a triple pickle. I’m not even going to touch that one. I’ll wait until she poses for Playboy and then I might pull out the triple pickle jokes then.
At the feast, James both gains my respect and makes me ill by eating a furry-faced bat. Like eating a chicken wing, or more aptly, like eating a ‘juicy rabbit’. The merged tribe also tries to come up with a new name, and what do you know, Dabu is Micronesian for good, and Fo’shizzle is Micronesian for moron. This is quite the move by Erik, which will get him nowhere strategically (probably the opposite), but very entertaining no less. Not only is dabu not the right word, I’m pretty sure ‘Micronesian’ isn’t even a language. Kind of like saying ‘ooga booga’ is Canadian for superstar. I especially enjoy when Alexis tells Jeff the new tribe name and explains its meaning. There’s that brief moment where you can literally see Jeff biting his tongue.
Some drinking ensues, Alexis gives Ozzy ‘the eye’ and all of a sudden they are snuggling off in the distance, Ozzy pulling out his best lines: ‘You smell good’. I guess, out on the island, the bar is set pretty damn low. Amanda is, of course, jealous because Ozzy promised to love her forever and ever. Amanda is ready to vote out Alexis in a heartbeat, but really, if she were smart, she get rid of Ozzy ASAP. The girls on this show really need to smarten up and start using more complex strategy than just batting eyelashes at their hero, Mr. Oz. Speaking of which, Ozzy is really starting to emerge as a cult leader. I predict that if (when?) he wins individual immunity, he’ll be sporting that necklace and be perched on top of a rock, glaring down at his minions. Or…he will set up shop inside the bat cave, put James out as guard, and everyone else will line up to speak with him to ask for his forgiveness.
Day 23
The tribes move back to their new camp. Thankfully, the Dabu sign is raised, but we didn’t have to see it being painted. (Sidebar: apparently, during the Herbal Essences spa scene a couple of episodes back, they also got letters from home, but I think we missed that, too.) Jason is flirting with Ozzy, hoping to form an alliance with him. Or trying to make Ozzy fall in love. Whichever. Jason wants Ozzy to teach him ‘how to throw a spear’. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Lovely. In the next scene, Jason is hiding his immunity idol. Seriously. He could just put it out on the beach with every other stick or piece of driftwood and I’m pretty sure it would stay hidden. Poor Jason, it’s painful to watch him foam at the mouth about his ‘idol’. Thankfully, there’s a twist at the end and it’s brilliant. Eliza and Parvarti are chatting on the beach, and Eliza is scrambling. As much as I don’t like Eliza, Parvarti is starting to seriously annoy me as well.
Amanda and Parvarti meet up and have a Gilmore girl’s conversation. You know the kind I mean: talking really fast and gushing and lots of ‘oh my god, did you see what Eliza was wearing today?’ and eye rolling and clinging and jumping around and such. Nauseating. But then – Amanda actually gets angry with Parvarti for forming an alliance with the girls without consulting her first. She’s livid, in fact. Livid! She wishes she could confide this to Ozzy, and let’s face it, she probably will spill all to Oz any moment now.
Day 24
Nat and Alexis read the tree mail…and it’s an endurance challenge. Jason promises Eliza the idol if he wins the challenge. This could be brilliant. Not brilliant the way they think it will be, but brilliant because it’s the fake idol, of course.
The challenge involves water, endurance, tide rising, and holding your breath. Everyone’s in a line, holding on to a grate, partially submerged, and the tide is rising. Before I know it, it’s just James, Ozzy and Jason left. Then just Ozzy and Jason. Ozzy bails. And pukes. And looks pretty green. Which means that Jason has just won. Which means that Eliza is going to get her hands on the idol. The fake idol. Nice. I’m leaning forward on the couch at this point, beginning to love it.
Back at camp, Eliza pulls out the fake idol and her stomach drops. It’s the fake idol, but it’s too late, because she’s put all her eggs into one basket with Jason and forgot to have a plan B in case he didn’t win immunity (or have the real idol). Survivor gold is about to happen. I’m standing up off the couch at this point; really loving it. At tribal council, there’s a lot of talk about social game. He got game. She got game. We got game. Fight the power! But it really doesn’t matter because everyone’s voting for Eliza (even though Ozzy would probably be a better choice) and she’s about to play the fake idol. Will she play it? Please, please, please play it. Pleeease. And then – she plays it – Ozzy can barely hold back the laughter. I actually can’t believe that Jeff keeps a straight face. Eliza’s out and Jason’s the luckiest man on earth.
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