The finale begins with a recap. Actually, we begin with some brilliance from Alan Alda (the first time I typed that, it came out as Anal Alda):
Anal: You can be a fan of the Boston Red Sox, but you don't want to play against the Boston Red Sox.
Is Anal Alda really comparing himself and the other Survivor Favourites to the Boston Red Sox? Loser.
More recap:
Ozzy catches a shark. Kathy is crazy and doesn't like rain. Kathy has to leave. There were a lot of injuries. James and Anal have to leave for medical reasons. Amanda, Parv and Cirie have an alliance. The girls form a super alliance and their secret handshake involves pretending they're witches, stirring an imaginary pot, all the while, chanting: muwah ha ha. It's pretty weak. Ozzy gets blindsided (and then bought a juan valdez blanket/jacket/poncho for $5 after bartering a street vendor down from $20 - seriously, did you notice that thing?). Jason also gets blindsided. Alexis gets the boot. Erik is the dumbest guy in Survivor, but I can't help but have liked him. Also, how hard is it to manipulate the most naive person in the world? Let's watch these birds finally compete against each other. Finally, the finale!
Night 36
The girls are screaming in glee...they forget that they have to still compete against each other...and again they do their secret handshake. Awful. I predict these four girls won't even be able to finish a challenge, let alone win one. Well, maybe Amanda will win. At the last one, Erik dominated while the rest of them just sat around, halfheartedly digging in the sand, hoping he would finish. And yet, he still forks over the necklace!?!?
Day 37
Cirie's a man hater and Parv compares herself to a Venus Flytrap. In the next scene, Parv is climbing a tree, proving to the viewers at home that they don't need a man to get food. Natalie is grateful to be there and she and Parv have a love-in. Amanda picks up a tree-mail (wow, we haven't seen that in awhile) and the girls are reminded they will have to do another challenge.
Immunity Challenge - I'm Pretty Sure They Dumbed it Down For the Girls
The challenge involves:
Being perched on poles in water
Pouring water in bamboo pole to get a set of keys
Opening a box with the key (there's only one lock - I thought there would be 10 locks and 50 sets of keys - hence my dumbing down comment)
Ladder assembly
I'm not sure I care who wins. Or loses. Or who to cheer for. Yawn. Natalie's off the perch first, then Parv. During the assembly, Nat has grayed out side boob. Good lord, how big are those damn implants? They all catch up during the ladder building, but then Amanda wins.
Cirie thinks she was right behind Amanda during the challenge. Um, sure you were sister. Sure you were. Nat still thinks she has a chance. We see a lot of the side talk and deal making and patting themselves on the back (way too much, in my opinion, but it is a two hour show). Cirie is getting a bit paranoid. I swear to everyone, right now, if Cirie wins the million, I am out. OUT. Never again will I watch the show.
Tribal Council
The jury comes in; Jason is channeling in his inner Rupert by wearing a tie-dye shirt. The usual questions at the tribal council; everyone is wondering will it be final two or final three? Not sure what is up with Amanda questioning Cirie, and I can only listen to Cirie's voice for ...oh, a second or so...before I tune out.
Jeff tallies the votes, the votes are read, and the decision is final: Natalie is out. Out, out, out. Take that you ruthless, stone cold bitch. (Hey, I'm just quoting her!!)
Day 38
Gloria is set free (the chicken mascot). The girls don't want to kill her; they don't need to eat. Maybe they need a guy around to kill the chicken. Then a tree-mail shows up: paddling and reflecting on fallen comrades, and then a final immunity challenge. Nice. A final two. Amanda is cracking at the seams. Cirie admits that they got blindsided by thinking there was a final three when there's a final two.
Fallen Comrade Montage
Jonny - self-proclaimed Cerebral Assassin of survivor
Mary - didn't really know Mary (says Parv)
Yau Man - fearsome competitor
Mikey B - fierce competitor
Joel - big guy; pretty intense
Anal Alda - smooth talker
Chet - the chickens have not been the same since Chet left
Kathy - she was a colorful character (says Parv)
Tracy - she was underestimated. I honestly don't remember her
Ami - everybody loves Ami
Eliza - arch rival of Parv
Ozzy - well-rounded player ever; Amanda got to carry his torch because she liked him. Ozzy professes that his relationship with Amanda is worth more than any amount of money. Interesting foreshadowing, people, very interesting.
Jason - just as good as Ozzy
James - Parv's little cuddlebug
Alexis - she's not a girl, not yet a woman
Erik - he's learned a lot about women
Natalie - last fan
Final Immunity Challenge
Involves a metal ball balanced on a cylinder. Cylinders and balls. You can fill in the blanks on that one. More pieces are added over time and if the ball falls, you are out. Parv is out first, then Cirie. Amanda wins final immunity. As of now, it looks like Amanda will win the million. See my earlier point about Cirie; she had better not win. Now it's a question of who will Amanda take to the final. She seems to be struggling; her loyalty to Parv is conflicting with the jury's hate for Cirie. In the end, after Jeff tallies the vote, it appears that our final two are Amanda and Parvarti. Thankfully, Cirie will not win the million and I can continue to watch the show.
The Tribal Thing - Bring it On
I have to confess: I didn't listen to the opening statements. They are uncomfortable and pathetic. The questions/comments from the jury are not much better:
Eliza isn't sure who she's going to vote for. She does confront Parv about being a mean person (talking behind her back, making fun of her). She then confronts Amanda about being superficial.
Jason asks Parv what her redeeming qualities are. She's gives a terribly painful answer. She's an animal lover because she didn't kill Gloria.
Alexis has a cute dress on. She wants to know who is a better role model for young girls/women.
Natalie has on the latest oufit from Victoria's Secret. She confronts Parv about playing the flirt card and asks how flirting parellels to intimacy in real life. Parv admits that she flirts with both boys and girls in her real life to get what she wants. What the ?
Erik looks better but he should have got a hair cut. I really wish Erik were part of the final two; I really like him.
Speaking of the final two, I really wish James were in the final two. In fact, how great would it have been if Erik and James were in the final two. I'm starting to wonder if there's a clause in everyone's contract about spoiling votes. That would be cool if James wrote down Ozzy's name on the last vote.
Cirie cleans up well but I'm still glad she's not in the final two.
Ozzy is last; he's truly hurt. He's mad that Parv took away 14 days he could have spent with Amanda. Is he about to propose to Amanda? That might be cool, that is, if you thought Boston Rob was cool.
Everyone votes...and the winner is.....
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