The show opens with the usual: the girls are lounging back at the house, talking about themselves, talking about each other...yawn. Hannah tells Analeigh and Marj they should stop attending too many of their own Pity Parties. 'Just pick up your beans and keep on rolling'. A & M are perplexed and angry that Hannah doesn't want to wallow with them. We almost have a cat fight on our hands, but thankfully we are rescued by...wait for it...Tyra Mail!
Tomorrow your model dreams could end up in the gutter! Love, Tyra (as read by Clark)
Exciting! Are the girls going bowling? Slumming? What could it be? We find out soon enough that the girls are going bowling. Or at least to a bowling alley. Thankfully, Miss J provides some comic relief by spraying off the multicoloured bowling pumps and providing Isis with her 'male size 7' shoes. The girls are at the bowling alley not to bowl - nay - but to learn to walk. Fun! As a side note, I can't believe there was a bowling alley in town that would let a bunch of wannabe models walk, in high heels no less, down the alley. I'm talking past that white line where you are quite strictly not allowed to pass by. That is, if you're just there for the bowling. There are no surprises with the walking (were you expecting some?): Hannah is awkward, McKey can't walk and think at the same time, Samantha is a bit clunky, Elina is too stiff, and that dude in the green shirt in the aisle next to them probably has the best runway walk of them all. Maybe even better than Miss J. No. I've taken it too far. No one trumps Miss J. No one.
Back at the house, the girls practice their walks in their heels and formal shorts until...wait for it...Tyra Mail!
You think you have this competition in the bank? You may be walking right out of it....Love, Tyra (as read by Mickey - and no, that's not a typo). I don't know what to say about Tyra Mail anymore. Why don't they just play a video with Tyra, giving some fierce attitude, and reading the mail? Or a singing telegram delivered by the Silver Fox? Or Nigel dressed as a mail man, delivering the mail? I guess that's not in his contract. But I digress...
Up next is a runway challenge for the girls, where they will be walking a runway at an old bank, showcasing designs by Jeremy Scott. He's one of Miss J's pals and he's a bit snarly looking. Plus his hat isn't doing it for me. The twist: the girls will be blindfolded. The second twist: someone is getting eliminated. Tonight. COOL.
The girls do okay, although Samantha looked hilarious, Marj looked stiff, and Hannah looked...well, poor Hannah. She gets the boot. No surprise. Joslyn was the winner - her and Sheena and Isis get an editorial photo shoot with a 15-year-old Russian designer. I didn't catch her name. The shoot looked good and I've decided that Joslyn is now my pick to win it all. Oh yeah, I put it out there.
Tyra Mail:
This competition is deep! Some will rise above and some will go under. Love, Tyra (as read by Lauren)
The next morning, we see the girls first thing in the morning, sans makeup. Ouch. Marjorie? Whoa. The girls go into the backyard, where they learn they are doing a photo shoot in the pool. Our photographer? Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker.
The girls do well for the most part. Isis was nervous. Clark was flirting with Nigel. Analeigh does well. Sheena looks great. Elina has model's block and isn't sure how to pose. Joslyn just about drowns. It's pretty standard, but I still can't wait to see their best pics at the judging panel. We don't have to wait long, because in the next scene...Tyra Mail!
Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 9 will continue on in the hope of becoming America's Next Top Model. Love, Tyra (as read by Clark. Again.)
At the judging panel, Jeremy Scott looks like the angriest man in the world - I couldn't take my eyes off of him and his bad hair, ugly vest, and snarling face. What up, Jeremy? He scared me a little, I'll be honest. He's a bit harsh, but I guess modeling is a tough business, y'all. A business, don't forget.
Sheena, Lauren Brie (she looks so different in her pictures than she does in real life), and Clark have the best pictures, I think, and after the judges deliberate we learn that Poor Isis is heading home.
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Random thoughts from tonight's episode:
Hannah's sweet, but not too bright. Example: "I didn't even know they made stuff like that" (referring to high-heel bowling shoes).
Isis has too many hoop earrings. Maybe not too many, but too hoop-y.
I love how all the girls cheer and froth at the mouth when the designer/photographer/guest judge is announced. Do they really recognize the names?
I don't think Sheena is the only one with...um...implants. Samantha, anyone? Watch for it.
While I'm on the topic of Samantha, I think she'll go far, but her face always looks like she's one second away from crying...or whining.
Nigel in a wet suit. Nice.
Whitney's commercials. Where to begin? Sigh. The riding of the bike around NYC in a flowing skirt is a little too cliched for me. Why not throw in a basket with a dog, and a shopping bag strapped to the back, riding through a puddle and giggling at the splash while we're at. But back to what I wanted to say: I've seen her Seventeen magazine cover. I almost bought the issue, just for posterity or whatever, but I admit that I was actually too embarrassed to take it to the counter and pay for it. I'm way too old to read that mag. I'm undoubtedly way too old to watch this show - or maybe not - I suspect the people who watch it are way older than seventeen. But let me share with you a little tidbit about the magazine cover the girls get to win: the Whitney cover was a fake cover. Well, it actually was the back cover of the real Seventeen magazine, just mocked up to look like the real cover. True story.
Finally, during the next episode, watch Tyra's face at the judging panel when she's standing there and she's watching the girls walk in at the start. She looks absolutely disgusted, like she's about to spit on the ground and walk away. I love it. What I don't love is her little kick/curtsey she does after she's finished with her little spiel about the prizes. That's got to stop. Please. Maybe I should send her a Perogy Mail to that effect.
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