At the start of the show, it's morning (probably around 11 am) and the girls are lamenting about how strict all their parents are, while McKey Mouse makes brekkie in the background. Sidebar: did she actually put the mixing bowl right on the stove's element to cook the pancake? Apparently, someone's parents weren't strict enough. We learn that Elina moved to the US from the Ukraine when she was a child and I'm left to wonder why we're only hearing about this now, while Marj has been frothing at the mouth about her assimilation challenges since day one.
Soon, the girls leave in the Eco-Friendly is Fierce Bus and are taken to yet another undisclosed location, where they enter a room and are greeted by a real envelope marked as Tyra Mail. A few moments later, Ms. Banks bursts through the brick wall, wearing her postman get-up and reads the real Tyra Mail aloud. First of all, she reads it from a script, and second, the only reason Ty-Ty is reading in person is that the mail is waaaay too long to fit on one powerpoint slide.
Tyra (in her best reading-to-children voice):
Neither rain nor sleet nor my achy achy feet will keep you from your Tyra Mail this week. It's time you learned your signature style, so you'll be a fierce top model, chile. I'll show you my tricks, but let's be frank, you'll be thankin' Miss Tyra when you're making big bank. Love, Tyra.
Now, I'm not a poet, but when you have to make up words or use slang (ex: chile instead of child) just to get a rhyme....probably you should stick to your day job.
The girls change quickly into black dresses and heels and meet Tyra in another room, where they see that Ty-Ty is posing, and quite fiercelly. She's jumping around town, posing like no one's ever posed before. So much so, that she's out of breath when she starts explaining to the girls that she's going to help them find their 'Signature Pose', which are:
Analeigh - rebel ice skater. Riiiight.
McKey - boxer with a neck.
Samantha - hands. Is that even a pose?
Lauren Brie - couldn't think of a pose, so she became 'Surfer Chick' and then skulked off and cried afterwards because she's trying really really hard to show everyone that she has a personality and a lot of friends back home who really really love her but this modeling thing is sooo hard.
Sheena - 'hoochie, but not hoochie' was her suggestion, but Tyra decided that her signature pose will be 'cultural dance' instead, because that's really an improvement
Joslyn - not too sure if J-Dawg said her signature pose was that she wanted to look 'wide' or 'white' (either way, it's awkward) but Tyra changed it to 'Profile'
Elina - top model of the world. I kid you not.
Marj (cue the accordion) - Hunchback of Notre Dame. Wow, she took some scary pictures, but actually won the challenge, which was some expensive jewelry from a shop I've never heard of.
Let's take a commercial break for a moment:
Nigel Barker is guest starring on Privileged on October 22 - set your PVR.
Whitney continues her saga as a Top Model in NYC and moans about her long days as a model. Up at 6, home by 10, napping by noon. Or something like that. Thankfully, she has her Cover Girl lip colour that never sleeps. Phew.
All the previews for Stylista are starting to get to me. The obvious comparisons to Miranda Priestly, what with the flopping of the coat on the assistant's desk and the complaints about how particular she is about how she takes her coffee. Right down to the mean-looking niece who might as well have asked for the unprinted copy of the latest Harry Potter manuscript. Obviously I'll be watching the show, but come on.
And we're back to the show and back to:
Tyra Mail! 'You'd better bring it or you're never going to work in this town again. Love, Tyra'.
Of course, the actual challenge really had nothing much to do with the Tyra Mail. Really, the mail could have said: 'The bus will be here at 6 pm. Be on it. Tyra'.
The challenge:
A recreation of the Fiercee Awards.
Our guest photographer:
Someone, NOT Nigel
The situation:
Each girl was given an awards show situation to recreate for the camera
My thoughts:
Interesting premise, but where's Nigel?
Here's the lineup:
Marj 'I have to pee but can't get my gown off'. She's not my favourite by a long shot, but she does take good pictures.
Samantha 'I'm trying to read the teleprompter but am blinded by the bright lights'. Has anyone else noticed that Sam has gone off the deep end this episode? Granted, she's the youngest, but all the weird accents, crazy antics while getting hair and makeup done, general excitability, and struggling with a Rubik's cube...odd.
Elina 'I'm an overemotional actress'. Yeah, like they didn't purposefully assign this to Elina, to get her to try to lose control and show some emotion. She admits that she doesn't like crying in front of people, but the Silver Fox breaks her down and she does shed one tear. Thankfully, the photographer caught it.
Lauren 'I just tripped on the stairs leading up to the stage'. I thought her picture was not that bad, although no one else seemed to like it.
McKey 'I got nominated but didn't win'. The best part was when we saw McKey walking onto the set, coming up the aisle. She might as well have had on gloves and a metallic hooded cape, spit on the ground, put in a mouthguard, and given a nod to the Silver Fox to get this party started.
Sheena 'Someone stepped on my dress'. I still like Sheena, but she may be slipping.
Joslyn 'I have the same dress as someone else'. This happened to me recently at a wedding I attended (not my own, thankfully). I didn't give the other girl such a fierce look.
Analeigh 'I'm interviewing a star but could care less'. I'm not a huge fan of Analeigh but really liked her picture.
Up next, the judging panel. I guess Tyra wants to be like McKey, because she wore some ridiculous black hooded outfit and some black gloves. I thought she was trying to be like a boxer, but no. No, no, no. Thankfully, Miss Banks corrected me by letting me know that she was trying to be theatrical like the girls, and was therefore actually portraying Little Black Riding Hood. Good grief.
The judging panel itself was pretty uneventful. I need more life from Miss J and thought that all the girls actually looked pretty good (in their pictures), but in the end Marjorie came up as winner (eyes popping, shoulders slouching, back hunching, and arms flailing) and Lauren Brie came in last. Strange cycle, no? I'll leave with an image of Miss J, doing one of his many signature poses:
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