I know that some of you make think that the title of this post is inappropriate, especially now that the whole face of comedy has changed since Obama has been elected US President, but I'm not an African-American, or even an American for that matter, and besides, that's exactly what Tyra told the final two contestants before they went out on the final runway walk. So I'm just quoting, y'all, don't be up in my face about it. And besides, who cares about American politics when ANTM is winding down with the finale. Um, well actually....sigh. That's probably a blog for another time.
Back to Sam and Analeigh and McKey and the magic that is Miss Banks. Tonight is the finale. So, in one sweet hour, we're going to go from 3 to 2 to 1. That's a lot of necklace changing for Miss J. Also, plenty of wardrobe changes for Miss Tyra, but she lives for that. Or at least her hair, makeup and wardrobe people do.
So, the show begins with a quick montage of how far the three girls have come in such a short time, and we catch a glimpse of some of the other models that were eliminated earlier. I remember some of the photo shoots, but not McKey's real name (Britney?), and Jeremy Scott (the crazy designer who was offended by Sam when really his patchwork, sleeveless vest and mullet were the true offenders).
Break to commercial: Confessions of a Shopaholic preview (opening Valentine's Day!) and some terrible McDonald's commercial that I can't explain but you'll know the one I mean if you saw it (think R.Kelly singing about making love to McNuggets, not JT in tights and kitten heels and STILL out-dancing Beyonce, if you know what I'm saying) and a preview for the show Stylista, which I'm not minding.
First Tyra Mail (love the wooden shoes, by the way): Makkelyk, Fris, Mooi! Love, Tyra
Now we all know that Tyra can't speak a word of Dutch but the girls quickly figure out that this translates to Easy, Breezy, Beautiful (Cover Girl, natch!) and the girls start to get concerned that they'll have to do a commercial in Dutch. We all remember that Italian fiasco from last cycle. I'm loving it. They find a script from the commercial, with only one line in Dutch. Yawn.
The girls meet up with the Silver Fox, who is wearing a dapper purple shirt, and they chit chat for a bit, until Miss Whitney shows up, and it hits me. ANTM is similar to Miss America in some ways: The winner (i.e. Whitney) gets to tour around and make appearances here and there until the next year's/cycle's winner is crowned/announced. I do like Whitney, though, and have a moment missing Cycle 10.
The three girls do okay in the commercial, although Analeigh tanks (did she say Wet Slacks instead of Wet Slicks?), Sam sounds natural but is a bit slow, and McKey looks the best but can't speak. I'll say at this point that Sam is my favourite - she's got the most interesting personality of all them and the only sense of humour in the bunch (Hello? Herpes comment? Nice). After the commercial, the girls do a Cover Girl shoot with Jim de Yonker, who has sort of a Dutch name but is American.
Tyra Mail: yadda yadda yadda...tomorrow you'll meet with the judges...yawn.
The next day at the judging panel we learn that Tyra forgot to put pants on and the three remaining girls are nervous. We get a preview of the commercial they filmed the day before (you know this is the one and only airing of this commercial - it's never going to see the light of day after this). Nigel looks good as usual. The individual evaluations follow, and we learn the difference between closed lips that are sexy and closed lips that aren't sexy (thanks, Tyra, but to me they looked exactly the same, save for the head tilt). After deliberation, the final two are announced: Sam and McKey. No big surprise here. And don't worry, Analeigh is totally going to hook up with the freshly ousted Marjorie and they are going to paint the town red. Or take a bath together. Whichever.
Next up, McKey and Sam do their Cover Girl Shoot in anticipation of a win. Does McKey think her stuffed koala bear is going to be part of the shoot? I'm confused as to why she brought it. But both girls seem to take good pictures. Next up, the runway. Mr. J meets them at some cool auditorium with a frothy, hilly, pink runway (Willy Wonka/Dr. Seuss inspired). Hair and makeup ensues (with an appearance by Whitney, who will be part of the show...yay!). Soon, the crowd gathers, Tyra, Nigel and Paulina make their grand entrance, and Miss J steals the show (as usual) by walking down the runway with some boy-toy holding a big old pink balloon.
The actual runway with the girls modeling is uneventful - nary a trip, misstep, nor fall. Everyone ran up the first pink hill, which looked a bit goofy, but it worked. I personally thought both girls looked a bit sour walking around the runway, but what do I know. The music was good at least.
At judging panel, everyone is dressed quite nicely, and we review the girls' pictures throughout the whole competition. Discussion and deliberation ensues, and my favourite (Sam) does not win. Stupid show.
I wonder when the next cycle starts, so I can look forward to another crop of crazy broads and commercials of winner McKey riding a bike awkwardly around town. Because. That's her life. As a Cover Girl.
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