Survivor Micronesia Episode Four: Where Ozzy Rewrites Survival History

Oh that's no typo.  Survival History was made tonight, kids.

It seems like the first fifteen minutes of the show was a recap of episodes past, so it's not too eventful.  I've got a bit of hate on for Cirie, but whatever, she'll probably be in the final three and I'll have to listen to her extoll her own virtues about how she outplayed and outwitted everyone else to get there. 

The thing I've noticed about the fans is that I really can't tell Erik and Jason apart.  For that matter, Natalie and Tracy - who are these birds?  I swear I have not noticed them before.  And in that, I find reassurance, because this is usually how Survivor works for me - I really don't know any names of the survivors until at least episode 8 or 9.  So things are going as expected.

I also continue to dislike Eliza.  I wish she would up the strategy a little - play some mind games or manipulate or something (I mean, isn't that why she's going to law school?)  Instead she is pouting like a ten year-old.

Ozzy is an animal who rewrites history.  Not only during the reward challenge, where he holds his breath for, oh, I don't know - the whole challenge, even when he's not in the water, but also when he's on Exile Island.  I mean, really, on EI he's literally swimming like a dolphin across the ocean, swinging around like a monkey, climbing trees like some other kind of animal, while Kathy is lying on the beach and talking out loud without even realizing Ozzy is gone yet.  How dumb IS she?  "Have you found any clams yet Ozzy?  How about now?  You've been gone all day and all night, and no food?  Huh.  Oh well."  She kills me.  And yet, her and Chet still survive.  I swear to God, if it's Chet, Kathy and Cirie as the final three, I might just not watch the finale.  That's a bold statement, I know.  I might take that back.

The immunity challenge is a recycled one - something about hubs and locks and keys and word scrambles and such.  Once again, I sort of fade in and out from this one, start thinking about my taxes and the weekend, and then...Favourites Win!  I look up just in time to see Cirie jump on James (in celebration, I guess), and he quite literally, takes a few steps back so he doesn't topple over.  Gold.

So...back at the ranch...the fans are strategizing.  I learn that Tracy is a residential builder (?) who is also a psychic. Also, Chet is even more weak than I originally gave him credit for. I shouldn't be surprised, but how can he just sit there, and comb his greasy bangs, while Joel trashes him like that?  I also learn that Jason and Erik are actually two different people. Thankfully, they sat at opposite ends during tribal council.  Phew.

I'm sorry to see that MIkey B got voted off.  I didn't mind him, plus he reminded me of someone who I couldn't quite place, and now I'll never know.  At least he can join his friend Mary for some sweet margaritas on the beach.

Alan Alda - 2     Amanda - 2     Parvarti - 1     Natalie - 1   

ANTM Cycle 10: Episode Two - Amis and Andy

So, the girls are in NYC.  I love NYC.  I've only been there once, and was a bit exhausted when I was there, but did love it.  First scene involves all the girls meeting in a cafe with Amis chatting it up, but I'm a bit distracted - ever since the Super Bowl and that brilliant Tide-to-go stain commercial, I'm distracted by stains.  Needless to say, Amis has a stain on her shirt.  But it doesn't matter, because soon the girls are screaming and off to their loft.  The loft is cool - I'm a bit baffled by the bunk beds and monster-sized bed, though.  Some more screaming, but the girls settle quickly. A little bit of chit chat follows, and Atalya mentions that she is homesick.  She misses her mom.  She's from...Brooklyn.  Brooklyn, New York.  You know that bridge they keep showing when they show city scenes, Atalya? That's the Brooklyn Bridge. Hop in a damn taxi and you'll be at yo momma's house in 10 minutes, girl.  But there I go again, foreshadowing the end of the show.

Next up, a tour of NYC with the J's.  Some serious editing here, because the tour basically starts and stops before you realize they're even on a tour.  They end up in Times Square and learn they are doing an outdoor runway show here.  Pretty cool.  And will be modeling designs from Badgely Mischka.  Very cool.  The runway show goes as expected - Lauren was awkward but I actually think Marvita was the worst.  Whitney was a bit over the top, but I like her.

Back at the loft, the girls get their first Tyra Mail. Now.  About the Tyra Mail.  Granted, this is the 10th cycle, so it's hard to be brilliant all the time, but the scrolling marquee was weak.  Why do the girls always have to read the Tyra Mail out loud?  So we know they're literate?

Next stop is Elite Model Management, where the girls meet Paulina, and I'm excited because Paulina is quite catty and she's going to critique all the girls.  You know, break them into the harsh world of modeling, and all.  She critiques four of them and has had enough. Amis has bad skin, Dominique is a transvestite, Kim is too High School Musical, and Marvita has a smushed face.  That's it.  Hello?  Claire? Anya? Fatima? Allison? Tyra?  Break it down for us, Paulina!

The first photo shoot involves homeless people.  Good lord, Tyra is going to start preaching, I know it.  And yes, it's true: Tyra was homeless.  For a day.  For her Tyra Banks talk show.  She earned $18 million last year and will no doubt earn more this year, and no one is thinking that a 'homeless photo shoot' might be offensive?  I guess this is ANTM's one episode where they take a 'political stand'. I appreciate that it brings light to the issue of homelessness, but come on,  Tyra poses for a picture, holding a can and a sign that says 'will pose for change'.  I could have done without that.  Unless change meant change and not money. But I doubt it. How about a donation to the Reciprocity Foundation, to help homeless people realize their potential and break the cycle, in addition to featuring them on the show.  ANTM could have done just a little more to raise awareness...but anyhow, just my opinion.

The actual photo shoot is the usual thing, with some notable exceptions.  I didn't know that if you do pilates, you can call yourself a dancer...and as much as I don't agree with the photo shoot concept necessarily, I did love Tyra's analysis of Allison - in that she's a wannabe Gossip Girl.  Spot on, Ty Ty, spot on.

And Dominique - bless her heart.  She's trying really hard to 'figure out where they (homeless people) are at emotionally and mentally'.  Now, I don't know for sure, but I don't think they'd be thinking too hard about how to hold their head and how to change up their pose for the next frame of the shot and how to work Jay Manuel.  But hey, I've been wrong before.

Finally we're at the judging table and Tyra is handing out pictures.  Kim drops a bomb, Miss J's heart stops, and Kim leaves the show.  Buh-bye, sister.  I did admire her a little for walking out. Poor Atalya, I did feel badly for her.

My prediction for the makeover episode: Fatima is totally getting her head shaved.  Maybe Claire as well.

Stay tuned.

A sampling for the true fans:

Australia's Next Top Model - featuring Kiss' I Was Made For Loving You
China's Next Top Model - something may get lost in translation here
Germany's Next Top Model - Heidi Klum speaking German; Seal still sings in English
Israel's Next Top Model - clever

Survivor Micronesia: Ho Hum

This episode was kinda ho-hum.  You know how Survivor goes if you're a regular fan: there's always a low point in the season and it's right about now.  Alliances are kind of forming...challenges are predictable....the crazy night light makes everyone's eyes look buggy...it rains every night...Jeff is always wearing the same outfit...and so on and so forth.  So, I have very little to blog about.

First of all, the war paint.  Good grief.  I half expected one of the fans to come out with a clown face.  Maybe a mime or two, you know, just to be different.  Instead, some girl (not sure who) painted her face all in white and one of guys - I think the ice cream scooper dude - painted a white rib cage, on his...rib cage.  Brilliant.  I guarantee that same dude has a tuxedo t-shirt at home.  You know the kind, a nice tight white t-shirt with the black iron-on - buttons, bowtie AND frill.  So witty.  Sigh.

Second, the concept of the reward challenge was cool, but as with most challenges, I can't be bothered to follow it.  I mean, I watched it and all, but didn't really care who won.  The highlights were (of course) Eliza getting her head smacked by the potato sac or whatever.  She sat down. Hard.  And then pouted.  How is this bird a law student?  I still like Alan Alda, even though he did show off his behind a little too much.  Also, James.  James, James, James.  So protective of his 'women'.  Like a caveman. 

Third, I'm pretty sure if there ever is a remake of The Shining, Joel could easily take Jack Nicholson's place.  Seriously.  After the rainy night, (and the commercial break), when the scene starts with the camera on Joel, lying in the canoe, looking frozen solid but with eyes open, like he had just stumbled out of a maze during a snowstorm, and you know, kicked it.  All work and no play makes Joel a crazy wingnut.  Obviously, Eliza would play the wife.

As for the immunity challenge - not bad, I'm still liking Alan Alda.  And I'm very glad that Chet sank his last nut so they could win it.  Oh yeah, I went there. 

As for the gray-out-my-privates competition, looks like Alan Alda (aka Penner) is at 2 votes, and Amanda also has 2 votes.  Thanks for tallying the votes, Jeff.

ANTM Cycle 10: Episode One - In the Ghet-to

Hey y'all. 

Welcome back to ANTM. Come on, I know you're watching it.  It's brilliant.  All the screaming and makeovers and photo shoots and the Jay's.  It's gold.  Congrats, Tyra, you've done well.

So the cycle opens with the model hopefuls vying for attention at Top Model University where class is about to begin.  The two instructors, Jay and Miss J., come out and announce that the first shoot will be a Britney Spears model shoot.  Well, they'll be wearing school girl outfits, anyways.  Class is in session!  I wonder how often the girls have to reshoot all the screaming scenes, or whether they scream natually or on cue.  All the screaming.  It's ridiculous.  I love it.

After the girls are split into two camps, Gryffindor and Slytherin, they join Miss J in the hallway to get a runway lesson.  It's the usual painful thing.  Lauren's awkward, so she'll obviously get picked.  Some other girls who look like recycled models from previous cycles know how to strut, so they'll get in.  This kills a bit of time on the show...until all the hopefuls are hustled out onto a football field. No fans in the stands. Um...yeah.  Interesting.  The two J's are standing in front of a stage and a big paper sign.  In front of the sign are some cheerleaders - no ordinary cheerleaders, but past contestants.  Really, it should have been football players standing around in front of the sign.  Real ones.  Maybe Matt Leinart and Tom Brady.  Google those two, ladies, Google.It.Up. 

But no, it was past contestants - one of the twins (can't recall the name) and she was not into it.  Wasn't even pretending to lip synch along to the ANTM cheer.  If you PVR'd the episode, worth the rewind.

So there's some talking going on, but I'm distracted by the big paper sign.  Someone is going to jump out of it, I just feel it.  A team mascot, maybe.  And I'm thinking: Please be Tyra dressed as a cougar.  Please be Tyra dressed as a cougar.  Please be Tyra dressed as a... homecoming queen?  What the ? It really is Halloween everyday is some people's worlds, I guess.

Next up: the Judging Table. Always entertaining.  For the girls of course, but even more so for the two Jay's.  I love them.  They truly make the show, I believe.  If you're an avid fan of the show, like me, make sure to always watch Miss J at the end of the show, when Tyra is standing before the girls, handing out pictures, and talking about who is still in the running to be America's Next Top Model.  His facial expressions are priceless.  I'm not kidding.  Love the J's.  But enough of the sidebar, back to meeting all the girls in front of the judges.  My random thoughts:

Anya.  Anya has a beach/surfer accent.  Huh?  Did Jaelene also have a beach/surfer accent?  I'm confused.  She'll probably get picked.

Whitney - I like Whitney, but wasn't there another plus-sized model named Whitney?

Dominique.  Dominique=boobs.  She'll get picked.

Kristen - I also liked Kristen.  She looked different than the other girls (not weird, but different).  She's got a boyfriend in Iraq.  She was my early favourite...so of course, she didn't make it.

Then there was a cat fight behind the scenes and a lot of squawking about ghettos and such.  Oh Marvita, will you ever learn?  Then Jay Manuel got a lap dance from someone I forgot already (Stacy-Ann maybe).  She's been married for five years and will be 19 this year.  Give or take.

Kim - Kim is not a dumb blonde but she's got scrunched up features.  She can fill the blonde quota, I guess.

Fatima - Fatima is gorgeous, similar to the host of Project Runway Canada.  She's in.  Her traumatic past is not something that should be discussed on this blog - seriously - and I wish she hadn't told the other girls about it either.  Not then, anyways.  Terrible.

More cat fighting in the background.  Damnit, Marvita, you're killing me!

Jenna.  Jenna is like Fergie Ferg and Pink rolled up into one and walking the streets of Grand Forks, North Dakota.  She wants to win ANTM so she can pimp out her ride.  Her Chevrolet Impala, that is.

Claire.  Interesting - she is breastfeeding but is away from her baby, so she's not just pumping her milk, but also drinking it.  You know that feeling in your stomach when an empty milk carton has been sitting out on the counter, maybe in the sun, and you open up the top and smell it.  That's the feeling I got when she said that. 

In the end, 14 girls got picked.  It was supposed to be 13, but they opened it up for Dominique.  Please see my earlier comment about Dominique.  The girls are headed off to New York, which is one of my favourite cities.  My early favourite is Katarzyna (since Kristen didn't get picked).

Twas the Night Before ANTM

And all through the house...many creatures were stirring:

Noted fashion photographer, Nigel Barker, was looking good.

Runway coach, Miss J. Alexander, was fluffing his afro.  Or perfecting his walk.  Probably both.

Photo shoot coach, Jay Manuel, was hanging out on Facebook, trying to add Nigel as a friend, wishing he were back in Toronto, and waiting for his silver hair dye to dry.

Living legend Twiggy was hammered and nowhere near the house - she's not on ANTM anymore - Girl, didn't you know that?

Replacement model Paulina Porizkova was reading over a letter from Ms. Banks, which detailed how she better not look more fierce than Tyra. Ever.

And Tyra was being fitted for hair extensions, all the while, practicing her poses in the mirror, and gearing up for another season - I mean - cycle- of ANTM.

While you set up your PVR's for Wednesday's night first episode, let me leave you with this:

ANTM Cycle One:

ANTM Cycle Ten:

You've come a long way, baby.  All the way to the #1 show on the CW.  True story.

And then there were 12: A Historical Retrospective of the Bach

I think it's time for a cleanse. As we're coming into the 12th season of the Bach, I think it's time to take a moment to look back in time - you know, learn where we came from to understand where we're heading. Especially after last season's troubling finale, when two girls stood before the Bach, and both of them went home. In a limo. Bawling.

So - imagine for a moment, if you will, it's the final show of any given Survivor season. (That's right, I'm mixing up the shows). And the remaining contestants are heading out on their final physical and spiritual journey. Along their way, they come across, one by one, the doused torches of their 'fallen comrades'. They pause at each torch, wax nostalgic for a split second, and then collect the torch for a final bonfire or light a firecracker or whatever. It's quite symbolic. So let's take a look back at each of the 11 prior Bachs. We'll pause at each Bach, pick up a dead rose, and take a moment to say our goodbyes. If you need a moment to paint your face in your tribal colours, go ahead. I can wait.

Survivors ready?

1. Alex Michael

Now let me first off say that I never watched this season. Not one episode. Apparently I did have a life at one point, and it was during the airing of the first season of the Bach. So I can't comment specifically on this season, except for what I've gathered from the 'net. Alex is now 37 years-old, a management consultant who was born in Virginia.

On the show he chose Amanda Marsh over Trista Rehn (oh yeah, Trista) but broke up with Amanda a few months after the show aired. I found some ramblings that he tried to date Trista after the end of the show as well. I also read on wikepedia that he starred in and executive produced a 'short film that set records for Internet distribution'. You can draw your own conclusions on that one.

2. Aaron Buerge

Aaron is now 33 years-old and is a banker. He also has a degree in mechanical engineering and an MBA. He works in his family's bank but also owns a sports bar and 'casual dining establishment'. I only vaguely remember this Bach and seem to recall that I didn't really like him. He proposed to Helene Eksterowicz, but they also broke up before getting married. He can be booked for speaking engagments under the category of 'reality tv star'. Not too sure what he actually would speak about.

3. Andrew Firestone

One of my favourite Bach's, Andrew was born the day after me (true), and belongs to the Firestone tire family. I liked this Bach probably because I remember watching the finale at a friend's place at the culmination of a great stagette weekend. The night before we had hit the bar - with the bride in a veil and shoulder sling (dislocated shoulder - not related to the stagette) - played a great round of 'That Guy' and woke up the next morning, with me still in the outfit I wore to the bar. Yikes. Dear Diary, I am so glad that Facebook had not been invented yet. Those pics do not belong on any web, let alone the world wide one.

But I digress...Andrew Firestone. He proposed to Jen Schefft, but they later broke up. He currently can be found playing poker, working on his winery, or starring in a Pro-California commercial.

4. Bob Guiney

For a split second, I thought ABC might have some pseudo-alphabetical thing going on and that they were moving on to the 'B's...but I was wrong.

So...Bob Guiney...where to begin. A bit goofy, strange hair, but I didn't mind Bob. Bob was recently divorced before debuting on the Bachelorette (got rejected there and was chosen to be on the Bach). He picked Estella Gardinier, but they later broke up and he is currently married to Rebecca Budig (soap star). I remember him more so for his fame as a musician after he appeared on the Bach - check out his website and listen to some Bach tunes.

5. Jesse Palmer

Jesse Palmer was hot. Still is, although the last time I saw him (on tv, of course, not in real life) was during an NFL pre-game show or something and he was wearing some very unattractive white slacks. Very tight. Nice jacket and tie on top, tight pants on the bottom. Maybe some mesh slip-ons for shoes, I can't be sure. Like someone forgot to tell him that he would be viewed from the waist down. And he was sitting down on a stool that was just high enough that his feet didn't touch the ground. Am I painting you a hot enough picture?

But you gotta love Jesse - he's a Canadian! And he's a close friend of Eli Manning! And one of the best looking Bach's, in my opinion. On the show, he picked Jessica Bowlin, but they didn't last. I think he's actually done well for himself - he knows his football and (I think) does a pretty respectable job as a football analyst.

Honestly - I was watching the pre-game show and didn't even realize he was the Bachelor at first. Thankfully my husband pointed it out for me. Oh yeah, just outed my husband as a Bachelor watcher. Yes.

6. Byron Velvick

Byron is an old man and a professional bass fisherman. He beat out how many other Bachelor's to get on the show?

He's currently engaged to Mary Delgado although she's quite good at kicking his ass. Or his mouth. Same deal. Although I have nothing against Byron, necessarily, I wasn't quite as into this season. Byron just didn't do it for me. I know many people who found him quite handsome, some of them girls.

7. Charlie O'Connell

Again, let me be honest here. It is a cleansing, after all. A purge before the storm of the new season of the Bachelor. I didn't watch this season either. Not one episode. Come on - Charlie O'Connell?? Did people actually watch this season? Truthfully, many of my friends loved Charlie - they thought he was one of the greatest Bachelors, to which I would reply, Charlie O'Connell?? Seriously??

But hey, if he was great, good for him. I think he and the girl he picked on the Bach just broke up after a couple of years of dating, so that's a bit more respectable than some of the other Bach's. When the Bach comes out on DVD (with one extra disc of Chris Harrison extras), I'll watch this season first, I promise.

8. Travis Stork

And so began my slow return to loving the show. Dr. Stork brought me back into the Bachelor, and since his season I was once again hooked. Travis Stork was a good looking, ED doctor (not an obstetrician with a name like stork, hardy har har) although he seemed to stumble quite a bit on his words when he was on the Bach. I'll admit the reason I started watching was because there was a girl from my hometown of Winnipeg who was one of the bachelorettes. She got a hometown date - but it was QUITE painful to watch. She might as well have taken him into her bedroom where she had the top bunk of a bunk beds she shared with her 10-year-old brother. It was that painful. His final pick, Sarah Stone, was a teacher who lived a couple of blocks away from him. They also did not last long after the airing of the show. Too bad. Since then, Travis has also written a book - a New York Times Bestseller called "Don't Be That Girl: A Guide to Finding the Confident, Rational Girl Within". Okay...so...it might not be a NY Times Bestseller, but a copy managed to find its way in front of you, I think you'd at least flip through it.

9. Prince Lorenzo Borghese
That's right, the Bach's first dip into royalty, this Bach also sells cosmetic products and I believe spa products for dogs. I liked this Bach quite a bit, he had that nice balance between humble shy guy and all-out player (despite his 'Prince' moniker). I can't believe I just used moniker. Sweet. I especially liked how the producers brought in some italian birds to compete with the american bachelorettes and he couldn't understand them. But still gave one a rose. In the end he chose Jennifer Wilson - but then rumours starting circulating that he hooked up with contestant Sadie Murray. As a bit of a sidebar, it would be cool to see Sadie come back as a bachelorette.

10. Andy Baldwin

Andy - an Officer AND a gentleman AND a doctor AND a triathlete AND not related to Alec Baldwin. I liked Andy - this was a good season, with good fantasy dates and all that (I mean, come on, it was in Hawaii!). In the end he picked Tessa Horst, and although there was some speculation that they broke up at the end of the show, some internet sources I read claims they are still together.

11. Brad Womack

Oh B-Rad, you over-enunciating son-of-a-gun. So fresh in my mind. I can't review your performance on the show - too new. Looking forward to seeing how ABC redeems itself in this upcoming season. Although, now that the dust has settled, I don't think ABC has anything to worry about. The After.The.Rose.Ceremony was probably one of the most viewed episodes in Bachelor.History.

12. Matt Grant

What will ABC bring to the plate this time around? Can't hardly wait. See you in month, MG.

Mary Mary, I Need Your Lovin'

Well. Survivor is
back on. I missed half of last week’s
episode, but I definitely watched it all this week. And I’m in love already. Usually I don’t pay attention to anyone or
any episode until the jury starts to form, so I take this as a good sign. The episode, overall, was a bit dry, with the
usual plot, just different characters, although the ending was well worth
it. Very nice.

The episode begins with the usual banter. Tribes milling around. Trying to start a fire. Trying to build a shelter. Or, two shelters
in the case of the fans. Alliance-building. Logs dragged across beaches. Flirting. Checking out tattoos. Ozzy
catching the world’s largest oyster. Just
another day at camp. Nighttime rolls
around and people are getting it on. Yao-man is snoring. All is good
in Micronesia.

As for the
players, I like Alan Alda the most. He
is, so far, my early favourite. Although
I’m nervous to say that, because without fail, anyone I like has never even
made it close to the final three. Sorry
Alan. I hope you make it, but…I probably
just sealed your fate.

Pavarti Cheese intrigues me. It’s that I don’t like her – actually, I’m kind of neither here nor
there, if you will, about her. But her
mouth kind of sets me off – it’s almost like she talks through her teeth. In fact, you will notice that her lips never
close. She has a permanent sneer/grin/smirk. Check it out.

I finally realized who Kathy reminds me of. Kathy Griffin, but with a different annoying
voice, and slightly more masculine. Is
it possible that Kathy Griffin has morphed into Survivor Kathy? At the reunion show, will Kathy clean herself up, and look like this:

As for Erik and Jason, I hope that one of the challenges is
a skateboard challenge, so that they can go all Lords of Dogtown and kick
it. Put down the ice cream scoops boys,
put on a tight-fitting, two-sizes-too-small t-shirt and some white jean bell
bottoms, crack out some 8-tracks, and I’m there.

Chet reminds me of that gay character from the
Simpsons. You know the episode – Homer
is afraid that Bart might be gay because they befriend a gay man named John, who
teaches Bart to say Zzzzap, and John saves Homer from
some reindeers. There may also be a scene with some steel workers, but I may be getting that mixed up with Family Guy.

If Ozzy were on the Golden Compass, I think his demon would
either be a dolphin or a monkey. Parvati’s would be a lizard (think of a long
tongue), Yao-man’s would be a mouse and Joel’s would be the Geico Caveman. I recognize that that last sentence will make
no sense whatsoever if you haven’t seen the Golden Compass, so my
apologies. It’s a pretty good movie, so
definitely rent it. But I digress, Joel
is my early favourite on the fan team – because of the ending, obviously. Especially because he masterminds the
blindsiding and then doesn’t even vote for the person he convinces everyone else
to vote for.

One final thought – Amanda. I predict she will have the most scenes where part of her body will have
to be grayed out. So far: Amanda – 1 (2
if you count scenes from next week). Everyone else – 0.

How many reality TV shows can one blogger watch?

Apparently quite a few.

Now, I couldn't quite coordinate myself to PVR Survivor tonight, so I can only blog about the second half. So I'll keep it short:

1. I didn't recognize half of the 'favorites'. And of those I recognized, I don't remember liking any of them. Maybe Ozzie. Definitely Yao-Man. However, it surprised me that they'd all come back as their usual selves. If I were a favourite, I would come back with a completely different personna. For example, the only way Johnny Fairplay can win is if he's completely honest the whole game. Parvarti Cheese should not flirt with anyone, just to mix it up.

2. Have I been asleep at the wheel, or is it 1960 again? Too many people on the fan team with bad haircuts and outdated wardrobes. Of course, those styles could be back. What do I know.

3. Who the hell is Eliza?

4. Never mind who she is, I loved how she got injured in the immunity challenge. Gold.

5. How many different bikinis do you think Parvarti tried on before she settled on the animal print for her debut on Survivor?

6. Which Survivor was Alan Alda on again?

7. I'm not even going to touch Johnny F's over-the-top rambling about becoming a father.

8. Not surprised by who got voted out.

Found: the Next Bachelor

Oh girls.  Wait until you see what they found this time around.  Let me introduce to you Matt Grant.  Crack out your Bridget Jones Diaries because this dude is a 27-year-old 'financier' from London. I almost wrote Jolly Old England there, but notice how I restrained myself.  That restraint will not last long.  At all.

Matt Grant, 6’5”, he’s the youngest of five brothers, working as a business development manager. His parents still have a ‘sexy relationship together even after 30 years’ and he wants to get married and have children in the ‘reasonably’ near future, etc, etc. He’s looking for a woman who is adventurous, playful and fun, who loves to travel and enjoys the outdoors. She must be funny, self-deprecating and outgoing.  Sounds like every other Bachelor, give or take.  But who knows, we may have struck Bach gold here. 

All I can say is Bonjour, Matt. Welcome to the jungle.

Looking forward to meeting you and your new harem March 17.

Even Tom Brady's Hairdresser gets a piece of the hype

Not just one blog about Tom's hair.  Here's another one.

Apparently Tom is going to get his hair cut before the big game on Sunday.  Not shaved off, mind you, but just a close cut.  His hairdresser, Pini Swissa, is 'on call' so he can 'do Tom on Saturday'.  Do Tom on Saturday???? Oh wait, just his hair.

I am definitely going to be watching the game on Sunday.

To see Eli win, of course.

New Bachelorette Announced!!

Is today my birthday?  Well...no...but still, some pretty exciting news. One of my friends (I've changed his name to protect his identity) Michel P (ha ha), sent me an email this morning, with the following news:

My old friend and girl-crush, DeAnna, is going to be the new Bachelorette!  Get ready for a whole lot of eye blinking and serious conversations, and please please please bring back the grandpa and his harem of greek grandmas!  I can hardly wait:

DeAnna as the new Bachelorette