The Bachelor Sleepless in Seattle Episode One: Why DeAnna, Why?

Good grief, I love this show.  I can't really understand why, because it's the same formula and same sadness every time, and yet, I'm sucked in.  Before I spoil everything, either there's been some great editing for the upcoming season, or it truly will be the Most.Romantic.Bachelor.Ever.  Whichever it is, I don't care.  I respect great editing.  I also respect romance.  Also a fan of Chris-Bot Harrison. It's all good.  Let's get started.

We start with the usual recap of how Jason had his heart ripped out by DeAnna.  We even get to watch how she 'let' him get down on one knee and give his little spiel before telling him that no, she'd rather ride off into the snow with Mr. Cizz-nak.  The show quickly switches gears, and we see that Jason has sufficiently recovered from his heartbreak, and he's spending a lot of time with his best friend and his son (they're the same person, natch, his boy Ty).  Next, we're in LA with Jason as he's running around town, doing push ups, starring off into the sunset, all without a shirt on, of course. Is there any other way to live life but as a topless single dad, looking for love?  Here's a cute little twist: Ty is going to come and live with J-Cat in LA, at least for a bit, and Larry the au pair (actually J-Cat's younger brother) is coming along for the ride, too.

The show continues in the usual way: we meet the 25 crrrazy ladies, there's a lot of champagne drinking, hair tossing, and stealing away of J-Cat.  There's also a first impression rose (as usual), but a new twist: the girls will have to vote off one of the other girls.  Meow! I love this new twist almost as much as Chris-Bot's pinstripe suit and purple tie.  Tres fashionable!

So, 25 girls stand before us.  Who stays and who goes?  Who's dream of becoming J-Cat's wife will end tonight?  I'll quickly review the 15 who stay and the 10 who's hopes are crushed, so beware, there are spoilers ahead.  I must say that if you don't care about the broads, at least read the final paragraph or so, because the clips of the upcoming season are True.Bachelor.Gold.  Truly.

The 15 Roses Go To...:

1. Molly - the midwesterner with bad eye makeup and an equally bad golf swing, but her bold cutting-in on the salsa dancing seemed to have left an impression with J-Cat, and she gets a rose.

2. Shannon - Wow, this chick is totally in the right profession.  We have ALL had dental hygienists like this girl.  You know the kind I mean - the one who can jump from topic to topic in the blink of an eye, who doesn't require any response from you because she's just so gosh darn happy to be talking, she'll talk about anything, anytime, all the time...especially Jason's beautiful teeth and the fact that she swears she's not a stalker.

3. Raquel - the Brazilian medical student, with her 32 pairs of shoes and her favourite dress.  She dances with J-Cat until Molly cuts in, but don't worry, she's aggressive enough to steal him back.

4. Jillian - the restaurant designer from Vancouver.  Wait a minute, I live in Vancouver! I recognized some of the sites, but not the restaurant she was in (any thoughts out there, fellow Vancouverites?).  Jillian won his heart by sharing her Hot Dog Theory.  In a nutshell, she judges guys by the type of topping he puts on his dog: If he likes ketchup, he's a good guy, loyal, calls his mom once a week.  Sauerkraut?  Bad boy.  Onion guy? Never gets married, rude.  Mustard Guy?  Kind of a mix of the bad boy and loyal guy, this is the one that every girl should find.  Thankfully, J-Cat is a mustard guy.  Of course, not to be a total nerd, but what if the dude puts all four toppings on his hot dog?  What if he doesn't like hot dogs? What if he's loyal but rude to his mother?  What if he likes relish? Clearly, I have issues.

5. Melissa - the former Dallas cowboy cheerleader.  The one thing that won me over, not that it matters, is that when Jason mentioned he was a football fan (after hearing she was from Dallas) she did not play the cheerleader card.  That's the best way to play it, sistah, I'm glad she held on to that one.

6. Nikki - the pageant queen from Chicago who really really really wants to be a mom and gets the First Impression Rose.

7. Stephanie - the 34 year-old who is in medical marketing, with a four year old daughter, and who also lost her husband 3 1/2 years ago in a plane crash.  I feel for her, it's truly an awful turn, but not sure I like the whole story she tells her daughter that 'daddy took a flight to heaven' (will the daughter ever get on a plane?).  Also, her house was a little too Real Housewives of Orange County for me, and there is no way in hell that broad is 34.  I'm just saying.

8. Lauren - teaches 12 year olds about the government and gives Jason a pop quiz about the three levels of government.  Without missing a beat, he answers correctly.  It's also her birthday and for a second I thought she might get the rose, but instead gets a piece of cake.  I could go for a piece of cake right now.  Yum.  But I digress, I like Lauren, I think she'll be around for awhile.

9. Naomi - she's a flight attendant who I don't remember much, but obviously made an impression on Jason.

10. Megan - a lacrosse coach who loves animals and has a 14-month old son. Oh, and the other thing about Megan: all the girls don't like her.  So much so, that she gets the most votes to leave the show.  The big twist is that she actually gets to stay: that's right - the girl with the most votes leaves the show...with a rose!  Oh crazy Chris-Bot, you look good, you've got some good twists, but the dubbing during this part is weak!

11. Kari - the ad executive who wrote a cute little poem about sushi and chocolate chip cookie dough.

12. Sharon - another teacher who likes to sa
lsa and quit her job to join the show. Bold move, and it puts enough pressure on J-Cat to get a rose.

13. Natalie - from Chicago, who doesn't have a tv so hasn't seen the show yet (how is that possible?), and gets a rose.

14. Lisa - in public relations and is from Idaho.  The best thing she can come up with as her 'line' is that he should come to Idaho for the potatoes.  Nice PR for Idaho, Lisa, nice.  But she gets a rose so what do I know, really.

15. Erica - an account executive who recently caught a flying fish at Pike's Market, which is seattle-speak for 'I've been to the most touristy place in Seattle so you should like me', and he likes her enough to fork over a rose. 

The Ten Who Don't Get A Rose:

1. Stacia - single mom of two from Utah with a Katie Holmes haircut.  I was a bit surprised she didn't get a rose.

2. Dominique - she lives in a small town, has dated every guy in said town, and sells toe implants.  Way to put your best foot forward, Dom. (I kill myself with lines like that).

3. Rene - LA girl with Vision Boards (in elementary school, they were called collages) who believes in the power of positive thinking.  I guess it wasn't enough.  She did have the best dress, though, in my opinion.

4. Jackie - the wedding coordinator who ditched one fiance in the middle of the night, was married and is divorced, and had a tad too much to drink during the soiree.

5. Shelby - a hot blond who seemed pretty with it; I was a bit surprised she didn't make the cut.

6. Treasure - not sure if she even made an appearance after getting out of the limo.  Did anyone see her in the house?

7. Nikki - a menswear buyer from Calgary who wore an orange dress as an homage to Ty.  Her game was over before it began, really.

8. Emily from Seattle who is a big Seahawks fan. Enough said.

9. Julie - another teacher but way too serious.  Example: Jason asked her to tell him something about herself that he couldn't tell by looking at her.  Her flirty answer?  'I'm a teacher'.  Hot.

10. Ann - a flight attendant from Phoenix.  At least that's what my notes say, not sure if I remember much else about her from the show.

So that's that.  Another great season.  At the end of the show, we see highlights from the upcoming season and for the most part it's the usual: hot tubbing, making out, exotic dates, yadda, yadda, yadda, and then...WTF...DEANNA is back on?  And the crafty editing makes it look like she wants J-Cat back.  She actually says to him that 'I think I made a mistake'.  Wow.  DeAnna is back in town.  She just couldn't get enough the first two times she's on the show. The only thing better would be to see Brad Womack pull up in a limo to take J-Cat off to watch strippers and drink beer and help him make his decision.  Bachelor Gold, my friends, pure, solid gold.