Confession time: I never watched this season. Truthfully, I tired to watch it, I really did, but Alex really creeped me out. Something about him seemed a little too slick. Let's face it, he's no Ryan Sutter. Of course, we all know how the wonderful cinderella story ends: with a firefighter-slash-sappy poet, a billion pink roses, Chris-Bot presiding over a wedding (actually he didn't), a sweet home in Colorado, a baby boy, and another one on the way ('It's a girl' quoth People magazine).
Ah...everyone's favourite winemaker. It's hard to imagine a winery and a tire factory coming from the same family, but here we are. Actually, the Firestones parlayed their tire success into wine making, so a fairly smart move. We know that Jen Schefft later went on to become a Bachelorette, but Kristen, who worked for the Home Shopping Network during the show's airing, later appeared in a show called 'pieces of a$$'. I kid you not. If you're too lazy to click on the link the show 'features original monologues which all deal with themes uniquely common to the physically blessed female, from the perks and privileges to the problems and the pressures. These pieces aim to go beneath the beautiful facade and examine the concept of 'hot chick angst''. Oh lord, I wish I could say that I made that crap up myself, but I can't. Did you know that there were themes uniquely common to the physically blessed female? Fun.
Why is it that every time I read her name, it reads Mo-Anna? I'd much rather imagine Mona from Who's the Boss than Mo-Anna Dixon and the train wreck that was the finale to this season. Of course, Dr. Stork now has a show on daytime television called, brilliantly, The Doctors, and he also wrote a book about dating, but what's up with Moana? Well, check out her MySpace page. She's the CEO of a company called Soul Movement and Andy Baldwin is one of her top friends. As a bit of a sidebar, I don't get MySpace. The crap layouts, the weird quotes, all of it...just don't get it.
6. Sadie Murray v. Jennifer Wilson for 'Prince' Lorenzo Borghese
Everyone's favourite virgin. That's right, I said it. I liked Sadie, she was a sweet girl, close to her parents, yadda yadda yadda. I thought she was too good for the Borghese family (Lorenzo makes spa products for dogs), but after the show, she moved to New York and dated the Prince after he and Jennifer Wilson broke up.
5. Bevin Powers v. Tessa Horst for Andy Baldwin
I don't remember much of Bevin from the show, but I do remember she stayed pretty quiet during the After the Final Rose episode, and seemed to have maintained a fairly low profile after the show ended, which I can respect. Probably because Andy Baldwin went on to date Marla Maples. Yikes.
4. Deanna Pappas v. Jenni Croft for Brad Womack
Since both girls lost, I wasn't sure who to pick as the Sloppy Second, so they both get the nod. Lucky them. Of course, Deanna made another appearance as the Bachelorette, picking Jesse Sizz-nack but of course, we know how that story ends. Jenni did just fine after the show, thank you very much, and got engaged to an old flame. I must say, B-Dub was my favourite. I miss him. Sigh.
3. Chelsea Wanstrath v. Shayne Lamas for Matt Grant
I liked Chelsea, but probably not as much as I liked Shayne (I mean how could you beat the picture of herself she gave to Matt? With a board game recreating all the dates you've gone on? Puhlease). Chelsea seemed decent, obviously better off without Matt, and since she left her job as a pharmaceutical sales rep to go on the show, was last seen looking for work somewhere in Santa Barbara. Fun. I wonder if her appearance on the show made it's way onto her CV...or into job interviews. 'Chelsea, can you describe a time when you realized you had made a mistake and how you handled it?'
2. Charlie Maher v. Ryan Sutter for Trista Rehn
How could anyone forget Charlie Maher? Well, if you have, let me help jog your memory. I've recently decided there are roughly two types of guys on the Bach/Bachelorette (I say roughly because it's not clearly black and white, more like a scale of sorts, and of course it's a generalization, so come on people, work with me). The two types, in the Bach world, are those who you could imagine sitting on the sidelines of a Lakers game with Brad Womack, sharing a beer, and pretending to be oblivious to all the girls checking them out. These same cats would go out later and easily out-hot every second rate guy in any bar. Charlie Maher...definitely one of these guys. Ryan Sutter? Borderline. Jason Mesnick? Not so much. Trista definitely made the right choice - there was no way that Charlie would have tolerated a televised frothy pink, over the top, wedding the way Ryan did. He also would have never 'entertained' Jesse and DeAnna at their home, doling out weak advice about how to deal with all the fame and attention that results from being on the Bachelorette.
1. Jason Mesnick v. Jessie Csincsak for Deanna Pappas
Oh yes, the guy who comes from a family of leap-froggers, who has a son named Ty and lost a high-maintenance, over the top eye blinking media babe to a snowboarder who labelled the cupboards in his house and is probably the only guy over the age of 25 who says 'sick' and actually doesn't get strange looks. Poor Jason...I wonder how he'll cope with another agonizing sabbatical away from his son. Maybe Ty will join him during rose ceremonies and help make some decisions. The one thing we'd better see on this Bach is J-cat's ex-wife. She'll either be disguised as one of the Bachelorettes (sneaky!) or dress up like Jason's long lost fat cousin, on the show to infiltrate the girls and see what they really talk about. I checked out the new crop of girls that J-Cat will choose from, and it's hard to say who will win, who might be crazy, who'll get the fantasy suite cards, and what crazy antics Chris-Bot will get up to this time around, but I'm excited. Enjoy tomorrow night!
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