Twenty Cats stand before us, on their
journey to become America's Next...wait a minute. Let me back up. Oh right, The Bachelorette. Okay. Let's go. At
the start of tonight's episode, Jill is lounging poolside, sipping
champagne and OJ (nice) while the Cats move into the Bunkhouse. No,
there are no bunk beds as I had originally imagined, but it's still a bit
sketchy. Chris-Bot comes in to explain 'the rules' to the guys: roses, dates, living with Jillian, yadda yadda yadda. I'm not really
paying attention since I already know the rules (duh) and I'm too busy
trying to remember some of these guys. Their names are escaping me
for the most part, and I'm thinking that they're looking like more of
a hockey team than I remember.
Let's break down tonight's episode a
little differently.
Best Quotes of the Night:
Michael (breakdancer): 'I peed just a
little in my bathing suit.' Hot.
Jillian to Wes: 'Tonight, when you and
....Brad....came down the stairs.' Love how she just about forgot
Brad's name.
Random Cat (off screen): 'He's been
rosed' while watching Jill and Wes's date on TV.
Tanner P: 'One of my primary goals
tonight is that Jillian is wearing open-toed shoes'. Wow. First of
all, the foot fetish thing. Not cool. Secondly, how is Jillian wearing
open-toed shoes a 'goal'? Wow, I'm so particular.
Hot Dog References: None. Hooray!
One Thing I Did Not See Coming: Brian
stripping down completely, jumping into the pool, talking about
shrinkage, and being sent home without a rose. I thought his bold
act might have at least gotten him through to the next episode.
Most Predictable 'Twist': The ballot
box appearing at the Pre-Rose Ceremony party. No surprise to anyone
(I hope) that the person who all the guys voted for (Juan...or
Huh-wan if you're Chris-Bot) got saved by Jillian.
Jilloquialism of the Week: 'Eau de
Harris'. Last week's jilloquialism: 'The invisible man'.
Best Reason to Own a PVR Other Than to
Fast Forward Through Commercials: To see if Juan really dropped
Jillian on the basketball court. Note: he did. Sidebar: Speaking of
commercials, I did enjoy the commercial for ABC where The Nanny
yelled at the host of Wipeout to 'Clean your balls before you come in
the house' and Rob Lowe yanking the megaphone out of Ty Penninton's
hands and smashing it to bits. Gold.
Celebrity Look-A-Likes: I think Jesse
has a Chris O'Donnell flavour to him, Wes is obviously Kenny Chesney,
and David is an equal mix of Derek Jeter, The Rock (Dwayne Johnson),
and Joe Thornton. I personally don't watch hockey a lot, but my
husband added Joe Thornton, and after a quick google, I agree.
Wardrobe Malfunctions: Not too sure
about Jillian's gray dress with the asymmetrical front flaps, worn
with the gawdy necklace on the date with Wes. She made up for it
with the strapless black number and red boots – loved it! Also
liked her basketball outfit. Mike's speedo was somewhat questionable,
although he easily had the body for it (and got a rose for his
efforts!) and Ed's blue bowtie was a not working for me.
The Likelihood That Brad Womack Will
Make a Surprise Appearance This Season: About as likely as me missing
the Scripps Spelling Bee this coming Thursday. Oh yeeeah, full
frontal nerdity! Speaking of product placement/shameless promotion,
did y'all see the Bachelorette Billboard on Sunset Boulevard during
Jill's date with Jake? Sly.
How the Date Cards Should Have Been
Done: First of all, bring back the Date Boxes. One of the best
parts of the show, now dwindled down to index cards. Yawn city. So:
First Date (Group): Instead of "The fun starts at my place in five minutes" it should have been a Travelocity
Gnome, a red and yellow flag, and maybe a framed picture of Phil
Keoghan. I'm just sayin'. It was an obvious rip off of the Amazing
Race, and I liked the date concept. Also liked how quickly the guys
got frustrated with searching for the right key for the lock boxes and deciding to just smash the boxes instead. Didn't care too much for
some of the guys (actually, just Tanner's and Michael's) frantic
behaviour. And driving around town in bathing suits, cowboy boots
and no shirts is just a no. Put on a damn shirt before putting on a
seat belt, dudes! Wes wins the date, and all the guys question his motives
for being on the show. Wes doesn't care what the other guys think,
and continues to work on his breakthrough #1 country hit. I mean,
love song for Jillian. Of course.
Second Date (Individual): Instead of
“I'm looking for a guy who can cut loose” how about an old
fashioned brown-and-white picture of Chris-Bot in western gear and a
dvd – no – a VHS tape of Coyote Ugly. This date is awarded to
Jake the pilot and the two take off in her convertible, get some
western duds for Jake while he conveniently leaves the door open
while he takes his shirt off, and head off to the House of Blues for
a private date and concert with Martina McBride. The date goes well
and Jake gets a rose. The ability of Jake to two-step definitely won
some points. Well played, my friend. Well. Played.
Third Date (Group): Instead of “Get
Ready to Play Ball” why not an actual basketball with a speedo
stretched over it. Maybe a smiley face drawn on the ball with a sharpie. The boys get a little competitive on the Venice
Beach Community Centre basketball court. David shows off a tad too
much, Juan drops Jillian, and the Harlem Globetrotters whip the boys
into shape. Afterwards, David and Juan start to spar, and Mike hits
the ocean in a speedo. Just a typical friday night.
First Kiss: Wes
Second Kiss: Jake
Third Kiss: Kiptyn
My Current Choice for Last Cat
Standing: Jake. That's right, I'm a sucker for the smooth talking
pilot. Jake is my current favourite.
The Cat Most Likely to Stick Around
Longer Than He Should: Michael or Juan. Sorry, Juan lovers, I don't
like him.
So, who stays and who goes?
The safe ones are Wes, Jake, Mike,
Juan, Jesse, David, Ed, Sasha, Mark, Michael, Tanner P (guess the
foot fetish didn't scare her away...yet), Kiptyn, Reid, Robby/Rosmo,
Tanner F, and Brad.
So the four who are out are Simon (the
Brit), Brian ('Shrinkage? I was in the pool!'), Julien, and cowboy
boot wearing Mathue.
Next week: David continues his quest
against Juan, which could be somewhat reminiscent of School Ties,
sans the anti-semitism of course. Also, there will be more dates, roses, foot gawking, champagne drinking and my old friend Chris-Bot
Romy. Did u notice at one point one of the dudes holding a little ziplock baggie near the start of the show? I tried going back but couldn't see what was going on there. Maybe we'll have a steroid scandal later this season!
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone know the designer or any info on the gray dress she wore with the necklace on the date with Wes? Agreed it didn't work for her but I LOVE that dress for me!!
ReplyDeleteJess - I didn't notice the ziploc baggie? What scene was it? I still have it taped of course. I would love a steroid scandal, it wouldn't be a huge surprise, some of those cats are quite *bulky*. And Kerri-Ann, don't know the designer of the dress but if I come across something, I'll re-post or mention it in next week's blog.
ReplyDeleteGreat write up there. I definitely think Kip will be top ten for sure.
ReplyDelete