Bachelorette, Eh? Episode Three: Still Searching For That Mythical Unicorn

Let me just preface tonight's post by talking about next week's episode.  I promise not to froth at the mouth TOO much but next week she's taking the boys to Vancouver, which is where I live.  Too bad the show isn't taped live because you just know I'd be out stalking all the local tourist places, just hoping for a *chance* encounter.  Sigh.

Also, I've started a new drinking game.  Each time David swears = one whiskey sour. I'm hammered right now.  Almost as hammered as David was at the Rose Ceremony.  But I'm getting ahead of myself, as usual.

Tonight's highlights:

One Thing I Would Add To The Show:  Have you ever watched America's Next Top Model? Who am I kidding, of course you have.  You know how when one of the model hopefuls is eliminated, they fade away from the model montage.  I would totally add that to this show.  Instead of Jillian standing and pondering in front of framed 8x10's of these cats, let's get Nigel Barker to do a group shot, and then every week she can ponder over that picture, and the guys who don't get roses would just fade away.  On that note, how about some makeovers?

Jilloquialism of the Night: Popped Your Helicopter Cherry.  The first time I typed that it came out as Pooped Your Helicopter Cherry. Not sure which I like better.

Hot Dog References: None.  Although David did mention that he was used to being the Top Dog.  Close. Has David sworn lately?  Down goes another whiskey sour. Tart.

Song Most Likely to Stick In Your Head:  Oh you know the one I'm talking about.  They say love, it don't come eeee-zzzy.  An alternate title for this blurb could have been: Person Most Likely to End Up in the JC Penney/American Living Ads.  Can we talk about Wes for a minute? I'm a bit tired of the guitar gig.  Enough already.  Release your damn tune and get on with it.  Also, he's a bit possessive, no?  Jill makes the observation (to the camera) that Wes already thinks that she belongs to him; she thinks it's sweet that he's a little jealous.  Fast forward a year or two and that's exactly what she'll be complaining to her friends about but she won't think it's so sweet.  Also, the whole serenade outside her window bit? It would have been so much better if Robby or Ed came out, wrapped only in a towel and told Wes to shut the * up.  

Cat Most Likely to Star in the Real World Version of Brokeback Mountain: Juan.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it could help explain some of the crazy tension/conflict between David and Juan. For all I know, he'll probably be the Last Cat Standing.

Dark Horse #1:  Ed.  Let me first confess that I generally fall in love with each Cat after each one-on-one date, and Ed is no exception.  The craziness of rappelling down a skyscraper after a helicopter ride, swimming in the pool, and dinner back on top of said skyscraper is just a great date.  He's a bit of a workaholic and has just the right dose of shyness/dorkiness but also a great pair of shoes and the ability to make fun of himself. Wow, I'm showing my girl colours here, but I'm hoping that Ed makes it far.

Dark Horse #2: Kiptyn.  I don't think we've seen his full potential yet. But we will.

Best Interpretation of Being 'Thrown Under the Bus': How ironic was it that Sasha, who was in a crazy truck accident when he was 18 (just about died), had the date where they went to a car museum, drove a super hot Ferrari, and then got sent home on a city bus. Isn't it ironic?  Now I have a different song in my head - take that Wesley Chesney! But back to this date.  I did like Sasha and I thought it was unfortunate that he didn't get a rose.  But he did seem a tad too serious and I could see how Jillian would feel the pressure to live up to his expectations.  Maybe.  But when you see who she kept around, it makes you wonder...

Worst Editing: Tsk, tsk, ABC.  I'm sure you all saw it.  When Jillian addresses all the cats at the Rose Ceremony before forking out the roses, the camera flashes on Reid where, plain as day, a rose gently resides on his lapel.  Tsk, tsk, indeed.

Date Boxes Cards: The first date card, for Ed, 'Love Can Be Dangerous', should have been a barf bag because that's what I would have needed after landing on top of that building and learning how we were about to get down to the ground.  The second (group date), 'Show me the Good, the Bad and the Ugly', should have been a guest appearance by Clint Eastwood, giving the cats a little pep talk before the date.  And the third date card for Sasha, 'Can You Handle My Curves', could have been a toy pickup truck, although that may have given him flashbacks, or perhaps a bus pass.  Yikes.  

The artist formerly known as Tanner P: Thankfully we can now call him Tanner without the P.  For most of tonight's episode I wasn't sure who Tanner F was, but I suspected he was the somewhat Russian looking Cat and I was right.  But Tanner P got a rose and Tanner F did not, so need to worry anymore.  I like Tanner P.  Not in a Brad Womack kind of way, but he is an entertaining guy.  The foot fetish thing, the Flinstones outfit, the mint green v-neck t-shirt, but most of all his admission of having 'no skills....I'm not here for an agenda...I'm just a simple guy from Dallas and I'm here to suck on some toes and I'm here to meet me some Jillian'.  I hope he sticks around.

Drama-rama (not really): I feel I should address the whole David-Juan conflict but I don't really care.  I suspect most dudes have had confrontational conversations with other dudes like this, and the only part I really enjoyed was after David frothed at the mouth and stormed off leaving Juan slightly dumbfo
unded, was Robby looking at him and saying quietly 'I totally 100% agree with David, but we can talk about that later', clinking Juan's glass and walking off quietly. Gold.  Robby's stock just went up about 200% after that one.

So who stays and who goes:  Ed, Robby, Jake, Reid, Mark, Jesse, Tanner P, Wes, Juan, Michael, Kiptyn, Mike and David stay.  Which leaves Tanner F and Brad who are sent home.