Only 12 girls remain...who will be eliminated tonight?
The show begins with the usual filler: the girls on the bus go round and round, lamenting about how the judges are critical, how it feels like more of a competition now that 'someone' is gone, and how they all want to be high-fashion models. Fierce.
The girls come home to see Tyra in their living room, and two things are odd (well, more than two, but two that I'll comment on): Tyra looks ridiculous in a tiara and what is Isis wearing? The girls gather around and eat ANTM S.H.E.F. Pizza (that's Smokin' Hot And Extra Fierce) and Tyra talks about how she's made over her career as a supermodel. Made over. Madeover=makeovers. Get it, y'all? We're in for the best episode of the cycle!! MAKEOVERS!! Lots of screaming ensues, most of it from my own mouth. Miss J makes a guest appearance as the wicked witch from Sleeping Beauty, offering Tyra a poisoned apple, and although I'm not sure of the connection between makeovers and Sleeping Beauty, I still love Miss J. Then Prince Couture enters the scene (aka the Silver Fox aka Jay Manuel), gives Tyra a kiss, and carries Tyra off.
Now, I know they're scraping the bottom of the barrel with show ideas here, but what is up with the Sleeping Beauty theme? Every episode like a bad Halloween party. No wonder we only see Nigel at the judging table at the end of the episode and not throughout. I'm sure there's a clause in his contract about not having to wear a costume. Although, Nigel as the Prince would not be the worst thing in the world to see. I'm just sayin'.
Next day: MAKEOVERS.
The makeovers are a secret to everyone: the J's, Tyra, even the girls. Exciting. The mirrors are covered in black cloth. Is this the connection to Sleeping Beauty? Weak. However, I do love makeovers. Love them.
What follows is the usual montage of girls screaming, girls crying, hair being cut, hair being coloured, Tyra making an appearance as some golden witch in the corner of the screen, and so on.
The verdict:
Marj as a brunette is an improvement. Enough with the accordion playing when Marj is on the screen, though, enough!
Joslyn with extensions and wave (same colour, though) is also an improvement. I'm already annoyed by Tyra's breathy high-pitched 'witch' voice.
Samantha gets a blond Posh Spice haircut. Not sure if I like it yet or not, but she did take a good picture.
Hannah. Oh Hannah. You can take the girl out of Alaska, but you can't take the Alaska out of the girl. Bob with bangs for Hannah, no surprise there.
Clark looks better as a brunette, but no worries, she's still got the flare in her nostrils.
Lauren gets the least madeover, in my opinion. Choppy cut, platinum colour. Yawn. Next!
Sheena also barely gets a makeover, just some honey highlights. Tyra really needs to stop talking, at this point. The voiceovers are killing me.
Analeigh gets a slightly blonder look, the kind of blond I'd like to be. You know, if I make it on the 12th cycle of ANTM and all.
Elina takes herself way too seriously and gets a weave with red, long, curly hair. Um. She's unhappy, but I kind of like it.
McKey now has black short hair. Looks good.
Isis gets a long weave but it's the same colour. A bit boring.
Brittany suffers from 'catalogue syndrome' so gets long hair. At this point, I decide that I might have to get a weave and start googling to see how much it would cost me.
Back at the house, Tyra Mail:
Sometimes even Top Models have to work the late shift. Love, Tyra (as read by McKey I think, although it might have been Isis).
The girls take off in the bus, in the dark, and head to the nearest Wal-Mart Supercenter. Good lord, what are we in for now? Wear this blue vest (or one of the ever elusive red Wal-Mart vests) and make it look fierce? Pose with the yellow happy face and work the camera? Acutally, it's our 'reaching out to the average girl who buys cover girl at walmart' shoot. We get to meet Nigel's wife (and see a picture of their baby). The challenge: slap on some cover girl and record a 30-second spot, sans script. Fun.
All the girls do fairly well, except Analeigh, Brittany, Elina, and Marj. Example: Marj says Walgreens. Analeigh says Yo. Elina says nothing. The winner: Hannah Banana. Hannah's so excited, she's going to google herself.
Back at the house, Tyra Mail:
Which one of you is suited to be America's Next Top Model? Love, Tyra (as read by Samantha).
The next day, the girls take off in the bus and go to Nigel's beachfront house (okay, maybe not Nigel's but a girl can dream, no?) and learn that the challenge is a swimsuit challenge. Everyone gets hair and makeup and puts on a bikini and takes her turn with the photographer. All the girls seem to do alright, although Analeigh is struggling. Analeigh is getting a lot of airtime tonight, so much so that it's making me wonder if she's going to make it. She'll be in the bottom two for sure. Should I talk about Isis? Yes. I guess I should. She wore boy shorts for her swimsuit. And did pose with her legs...ahem...open. There, I said it. How could I not?
Up next: the judging panel with the usual compliments and criticism. My favourite pictures are Elina's, Samantha's and...dare I say it...McKey's. The judges deliberate and we end up with:
Elina
Lauren Brie Cheese
Samantha
McKey
Sheena
Joslyn
Marj
Clark
Isis
Hannah
Analeigh
Brittany heads home.
Next week: Miss J hits the bowling alley with the girls.
Hopefully we'll get a bit more drama next week. So far, it's been a little dry.
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