Trust me, there are A LOT more titles I originally had in mind for the title of this blog, but I thought I'd try not to spoil the ending on the finale. Not like I did yesterday after watching Survivor. Parvarti? Seriously.
Tonight was Meet the Parents Night for our two lovely finalists, Shayne (on the left) and Chelsea (on the right). Just ignore the bird in the middle, she got cut weeks ago, and I'm trying really hard to block out her name.
First up is Chelsea. Chels is nervous to meet the parents, but is greeted warmly at the door by only one of Matt's brothers, Simon, with an 'ello, mate' and is then introduced to the parents, Tony and Trish (and yes, in a perfect world that would have been Tony 'n Tina). The meet and greet with the 'rents seems to go okay for Chelsea, but her answers to do seem a bit 'light'. Example: when asked what her required list is for a man, she comes up with one answer, sense of humour. Granted, that's a great quality. But that's all she says. Until her and Trish hit the kitchen to dish (no pun intended) and Chelsea basically pours her heart out to future-potential-mom-in-law. She should be that open with the Bach. I'm just sayin'.
Next is Shayne, who is loving London, as her and the Bach carouse around town in a double decker bus before shooting over to his parent's pad. Luckily, Shayne has brought a bottle of vino to give to his parents. Shayne is nervous, but she seems to do well. I'm biased naturally, because Shayne's my favourite, but she does seem more genuiune and 'deep' than Chelsea-kins. The family is torn: Tony 'n Tina favour Shayne, while Simon likes Chelsea. Simon sums it up succinctly by saying, 'bloody 'ell, we're no 'elp at all'.
The Bach is torn. He's also looking a little scruffy. I know what he needs. Another plane ride to Barbados and a little last-minute loving from both birds. Yes, yes, that will help him decide. One final dip in the...pool.
The Bach's final date with Chels in Barbados involves a helicopter ride. I'm still a bit perplexed as to why he blindfolded her. A better surprise would have been a slight sedative, and she wakes up in the helicopter as it's mid flight over the ocean. Now that, my dear Bach, is a surprise. But fine, he's a good guy so he doesn't do that. He and Chels have a really cool ride over the ocean and then they lie on a private beach and get cozy. Then they lie together in the water and stand in the water and then head back to the Hilton (nice advertising, btw) and Chelsea's hands over a gift. It's a cooler with some cereal (for breakfast in bed), surf wax and a map of her hometown. She calls it a Survival Kit, but it might have been better if she had called it a Date Box, since that's essentially what it is, even though it's not the most original idea in the book. She's still a bit too casual but the Bach is loving it.
Up next, Shayne and the Bach have their final date, and they go para-sailing, which is also pretty cool (although I've not tried it, of course, but it looks amazing). They seem to have a great time, and Shayne enjoys floating in the air, feeling like an angel and dreaming of her man Matt. Back at the hotel, she also has a gift for Shayne, which is pretty cool (in my opinion). A stuffed monkey and a framed series of pictures of Shayne writing 'I love you' in the sand on the beach. Obviously I'm biased, but this is far better than a box of stale Cheerios and a map from Esso, stuffed into a cooler with a label written on it with a Sharpie (yowzas, I am catty). But seriously. Who would you choose?
The Bach is confused, he's not sure who to ask. So for the next five minutes of the show, we see more of Barbados, and the Bach struggling with his decision. Then, he's at the rock shop, picking out a stunning Tacori engagement ring. He has finally made a decision.
Chris-Bot is standing at the curb as the limo pulls up...who's it going to be? It's Chelsea out first. Hmmm...we've been tricked before. Will she get the rock? Will no one get the rock? Chelsea strolls down to wear the Bach is (what is up with the slit on that dress) and the Bach comments on the amazing dresses she always wears (by amazing he means skanky). Matt begins with the usual speech, but soon there is some subtle rejection slipping into the conversation and then Chelsea realizes she isn't going to get the rock. She does alright, all things considered, but then the best line:
Chelsea: She's (Shayne) the falsest person here!!
Matt: If you ever think for one second that I'm the sort of person that would end up with the falsest person here, than you don't know me
Great line by the Bach. Chelsea is off in tears, confused and angry. Then Shayne is on the scene. And I'm excited. For the first time in my long and troubled history of watching reality television, the person I actually like is going to get picked. Hooray! The Bach starts with his usual speech but I don't think she realizes what is happening until he gets down on one knee, 'Monkey, will you marry me?' And then I'm crying. How sick am I, I know. But I eat it up and try to block out how ridiculous this show is. And the best line to end the series:
Shayne: I will marry you under one condition: That you will never look at another woman during our lives, because you've looked at way too many in our relationship.
Next week (that's right, I said next week): The season premiere of the Bachelorette, Deanna Pappas. Holy crap. I better start chilling the ouzo.
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